Memorial Services

A Celebration of Life

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The Liturgy: A Celebration and Thanksgiving

In the Episcopal Church, a memorial service is a celebration of the Resurrection. The liturgy, therefore, is characterized by joy, in the certainty that “neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Paul’s Letter to The Romans – 8:39)

This joy, however, does not diminish the very real grief that we feel. The same love we have for each other in Christ brings deep sorrow when we are parted by death. Jesus himself wept at the grave of his friend, Lazarus. So, while we rejoice that one we love has entered into the nearer presence of our Lord, we sorrow in sympathy with those who mourn.

Because the memorial service is first and foremost an act of Christian worship, it is subject to the same standards as the weekly liturgies at Trinity. The clergy in charge will be the final authority for any special requests.

Baptized Christians are properly buried from the church. The service should be held at a time when the congregation has an opportunity to be present.

The following pages are designed to facilitate the planning of a memorial service during a very difficult time and constitute the customs of Trinity Episcopal Church. There are provisions in the Book of Common Prayer for the appropriate scripture readings, psalms and hymns for the service. Those same suggestions are also provided in this booklet. Please choose those which will make this service the right one for the celebration of the life of the departed and a fitting memorial in the hearts and minds of those who mourn.

The Prayer Book Service

Trinity Episcopal Church uses the Book of Common Prayer of the Episcopal Church for its services, memorial services included.

The Liturgy is found in the Book of Common Prayer on pages 491-505. This is the service that is used in most situations although some variations are available depending on circumstances. This service is also called A Celebration of Life, most commonly when combined with the sacrament of the Holy Eucharist (or Holy Communion.)

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The Holy Eucharist is the principal act of Christian Worship on the Lord’s Day (Sunday) and for other major celebrations in the Church. In the Holy Eucharist our union with Christ and with one another is strengthened making this sacrament particularly appropriate for a memorial service. When the Holy Eucharist is part of the service it constitutes the second half of the service. The entire congregation is invited to receive the sacrament of Holy Communion.

The service takes approximately forty-five minutes to an hour, depending on the number of people receiving communion. Considering the solemnity of the occasion, the service is never rushed.

The color of the hangings in the chancel and on the altar, as well as the color of the clergy vestments is always white for memorial services, because this is an Easter liturgy. It finds all its meaning in the Resurrection. Because Jesus was raised from the dead, we, too, shall be raised.

Meeting with a member of the clergy as soon as possible to prepare the service and share memories (to help build the sermon) is encouraged. While it is not in the Episcopal tradition to eulogize the deceased, in some rare cases one family member or close friend may offer a brief remembrance about the life of the departed. A clergy person will conclude this part of the service with a sermon placed in the context of celebration, resurrection to eternal life, and faith in God.

It is most appropriate for the body – most typically in ashes form –  (cremains) – to be present for the liturgy in the tradition of being “buried from the church.” There is a brief service of reception as the body arrives at the door, for which it is appropriate for the family to be present. Cremation is also an ancient and appropriate practice which has become more prevalent in The Episcopal Church in recent years, so it is also appropriate that the veiled cremains be present near the altar.

Internment (burial) of the remains often takes place immediately following the service. Alternative arrangements may also be made with the clergy.

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Readings

It is appropriate that readings suggested in the Book of Common Prayer be included. Additional readings, poems, or short-stories may be included at the discretion of the clergy. A suggested list of readings may be found  HERE.

Eulogies and Reflections

It is customary for the clergy to offer a reflection about the departed’s life – and include stories and memories from family members that have been shared with the minister in advance. On rare occasions, a member of the family or a friend may speak – this must be approved in advance of the service by a member of the clergy.

Service Leaflets

It is our policy that service leaflets (or booklets) – if used – will be produced by the family and approved by Trinty. A photograph or quotation is often used on the back of the service leaflet.

Guest Book

Trinity Church does not provide a guest book for people to sign. In most cases, the guest book is provided by the funeral home.

Music

There is a wealth of beautiful and appropriate sacred music that is suitable for use in a Memorial Service.

All decisions regarding music are made by the officiating clergy and Director of Music in consultation with the family.

Music for the service should be appropriate for use in the church. Popular music deemed “secular” is not recommended. All music should be a live offering to God, and pre-recorded music is not used.

Should the family wish a soloist to sing, the musician has a list of persons who can perform this function. Sung music is also chosen in consultation with musicians.

Instrumental music other than organ is also a possibility, and such decisions should be made in consultation with the clergy and musician.

Flowers

Flowers are arranged for by the family. Up to four arrangements in the church: one by the Baptismal font, one in front of the altar, one by the paschal candle, and one in front of the lectern. Any additional flower arrangements will be placed in the parish hall for the reception. The family is encouraged to take the flower arrangements after the liturgy. The choice of florist is up to the family.

Candles

Used in the Episcopal Church for public worship, candles enrich the worship experience. They are, of course, symbolic of light and warmth. But, they are also symbolic as signs of spiritual joy, as well as symbolic of the light of heaven. In addition to the two candles on the altar, the Paschal Candle used during the Easter Season is used in this service. It stands near the casket or urn of the deceased. The Paschal candle represents for us “the light of Christ” and is one of the great symbols of our Easter hope that “Christ has died, Christ is risen and Christ will come again.”

Memorial Peace Garden

Trinity’s Memorial Garden, located on the northern portion of the campus, is a sacred place for the internment of ashes. The Memorial Garden is open to Trinity’s parishioners, former parishioners and members of their family. Urns are not used, and the ashes are placed directly in the ground. The garden is beautifully planted and tended year round. Gifts for the perpetual maintenance of the garden are always appreciated.

Suggested Hymns

From the Episcopal Hymnal 1982

General Hymns

A Mighty Fortress is our God
Eternal father, strong to Save
For all the Saints, who from their labors rest God of grace and God of glory
O God our help in ages past
Ye holy angels bright
The King of Love my shepherd is (psalm 23) Dear Lord and Father of mankind
Love divine, all loves excelling
Amazing grace
God be in my head
Take my life and let it be consecrated
We know that Christ is raised and dies no more Joyful, joyful we adore thee
Lift high the cross
Come, labor on
Jerusalem, my happy home

Easter

Come ye faithful, raise the strain

Alleluia, alleluia, alleluia!

The strife is o’er

The Holy Eucharist

I come with joy to meet my Lord
Come, risen Lord, and deign to be our guest This is the hour of banquet and of song
My God, thy table now is spread
Let all mortal flesh keep silence
Draw nigh and take the Body of the Lord Now my tongue the mystery telling
I am the bread of Life
And now, O Father, mindful of the love Savior, again to thy dear name we raise

Hymn words and simulated tunes may found online

Due to the sacred nature of the occasion, pre-recorded music is rarely appropriate

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Suggested Readings

From the Old Testament

Isaiah 25:6-9 (He will swallow up death for ever)

On this mountain the LORD of hosts will make for all peoples
a feast of rich food, a feast of well-aged wines,
of rich food filled with marrow, of well-aged wines strained clear. And he will destroy on this mountain the shroud that is cast over all peoples, the sheet that is spread over all nations; he will swallow up death forever. Then the Lord GOD will wipe away the tears from all faces,and the disgrace of his people he will take away from all the earth, for the LORD has spoken. It will be said on that day, Lo, this is our God; we have waited for him, so that he might save us. This is the LORD for whom we have waited;
let us be glad and rejoice in his salvation.

Isaiah 61:1-3 (To comfort those who mourn)

The spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me, because the LORD has anointed me; he has sent me to bring good news to the oppressed, to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and release to the prisoners; to proclaim the year of the LORD’S favor, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn; to provide for those who mourn in Zion— to give them a garland instead of ashes,the oil of gladness instead of mourning,the mantle of praise instead of a faint spirit.They will be called oaks of righteousness,
the planting of the LORD, to display his glory.

Lamentations 3:22-26, 31-33 (The Lord is good to those who wait for him)

The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. “The LORD is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him. The LORD is good to those who wait for him, to the soul that seeks him.It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD. For the Lord will not reject forever.Although he causes grief, he will have compassion according to the abundance of his steadfast love; for he does not willingly afflict or grieve anyone.

Wisdom 3:1-5, 9 (The souls of the righteous are in the hands of God)

But the souls of the righteous are in the hand of God, and no torment will ever touch them. In the eyes of the foolish they seemed to have died, and their departure was thought to be a disaster, and their going from us to be their destruction; but they are at peace. For though in the sight of others they were punished, their hope is full of immortality. Having been disciplined a little, they will receive great good, because God tested them and found them worthy of himself; Those who trust in him will understand truth, and the faithful will abide with him in love, because grace and mercy are upon his holy ones, and he watches over his elect.

Job 19:21-27a (I know that my Redeemer lives)

 Have pity on me, have pity on me, O you my friends, for the hand of God has touched me!  Why do you, like God, pursue me, never satisfied with my flesh? “O that my words were written down! O that they were inscribed in a book! O that with an iron pen and with lead they were engraved on a rock forever. For I know that my Redeemer lives, and that at the last he will stand upon the earth and after my skin has been thus destroyed, then in my flesh I shall see God whom I shall see on my side,
and my eyes shall behold, and not another.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 (For everything there is a season)

For everything there is a season,
and a time for every matter under heaven:

A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;

A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;

A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;

A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

A time to seek, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to throw away;

A time to tear, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

A time to love, and a time to hate;
A time for war, and a time for peace.

The following Psalms are appropriate: 23, 42:1-7, 46, 90:1-12, 121, 130, 139:1-11.

From the New Testament

Romans 8:14-19, 34-35, 37-39 (The glory that shall be revealed)

For all who are led by the Spirit of God are children of God. For you did not receive a spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received a spirit of adoption. When we cry, “Abba! Father!” it is that very Spirit bearing witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs, heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ—if, in fact, we suffer with him so that we may also be glorified with him. I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory about to be revealed to us. For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the children of God; Who is to condemn? It is Christ Jesus, who died, yes, who was raised, who is at the right hand of God, who indeed intercedes for us. Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will hardship, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

1 Corinthians 13:1-13 (The Gift of Love)

If I speak in the tongues of mortals and of angels, but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.  If I give away all my possessions, and if I hand over my body so that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

 Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;  it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never ends. But as for prophecies, they will come to an end; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will come to an end. For we know only in part, and we prophesy only in part; but when the complete comes, the partial will come to an end. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became an adult, I put an end to childish ways.  For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then we will see face to face. Now I know only in part; then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known.  And now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 15:20-26, 35-38, 42-44, 53-58 (The imperishable body)

20But in fact Christ has been raised from the dead, the first fruits of those who have died. 21For since death came through a human being, the resurrection of the dead has also come through a human being; 22for as all die in Adam, so all will be made alive in Christ. 23But each in his own order: Christ the first fruits, then at his coming those who belong to Christ. 24Then comes the end, when he hands over the kingdom to God the Father, after he has destroyed every ruler and every authority and power. 25For he must reign until he has put all his enemies under his feet. 26The last enemy to be destroyed is death. 35But someone will ask, “How are the dead raised? With what kind of body do they come?” 36Fool! What you sow does not come to life unless it dies. 37And as for what you sow, you do not sow the body that is to be, but a bare seed, perhaps of wheat or of some other grain. 38But God gives it a body as he has chosen, and to each kind of seed its own body. 42So it is with the resurrection of the dead. What is sown is perishable, what is raised is imperishable. 43It is sown in dishonor, it is raised in glory. It is sown in weakness, it is raised in power. 44It is sown a physical body, it is raised a spiritual body. If there is a physical body, there is also a spiritual body. 53For this perishable body must put on imperishability, and this mortal body must put on immortality. 54When this perishable body puts on imperishability, and this mortal body puts on immortality, then the saying that is written will be fulfilled:

“Death has been swallowed up in victory.” 4 “Where, O death, is your victory?

Where, O death, is your sting?”
56The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. 57But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

58Therefore, my beloved, be steadfast, immovable, always excelling in the work of the Lord, because you know that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.

2 Corinthians 4:16––5:9 (Things that are unseen are eternal)

16So we do not lose heart. Even though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed day by day. 17For this slight momentary affliction is preparing us for an eternal weight of glory beyond all measure, 18because we look not at what can be seen but at what cannot be seen; for what can be seen is temporary, but what cannot be seen is eternal. 1For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. 2For in this tent we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling— 3if indeed, when we have taken it off we will not be found naked. 4For while we are still in this tent, we groan under our burden, because we wish not to be unclothed but to be further clothed, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. 5He who has prepared us for this very thing is God, who has given us the Spirit as a guarantee. 6So we are always confident; even though we know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord—7for we walk by faith, not by sight. 8Yes, we do have confidence, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord. 9So whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to please him. 10For all of us must appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each may receive recompense for what has been done in the body, whether good or evil.

1 John 3:1-2 (We shall be like him)

See what love the Father has given us, that we should be called children of God; and that is what we are. The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. Beloved, we are God’s children now; what we will be has not yet been revealed. What we do know is this: when he is revealed, we will be like him, for we will see him as he is.

Revelation 7:9-17 (God will wipe away every tear)

After this I looked, and there was a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, from all tribes and peoples and languages, standing before the throne and before the Lamb, robed in white, with palm branches in their hands. 10They cried out in a loud voice, saying,“Salvation belongs to our God who is seated on the throne, and to the Lamb!” And all the angels stood around the throne and around the elders and the four living creatures, and they fell on their faces before the throne and worshiped God, singing: “Amen! Blessing and glory and wisdom and thanksgiving and honor and power and might be to our God forever and ever! Amen.”

Then one of the elders addressed me, saying, “Who are these, robed in white, and where have they come from?” I said to him, “Sir, you are the one that knows.” Then he said to me, “These are they who have come out of the great ordeal; they have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb.

For this reason they are before the throne of God, and worship him day and night within his temple,
and the one who is seated on the throne will shelter them. They will hunger no more, and thirst no more; the sun will not strike them,
nor any scorching heat; for the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd, and he will guide them to springs of the water of life,and God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.”

Revelation 21:2-7 (Behold, I make all things new)

And I saw the holy city, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. 3And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “See, the home of God is among mortals. He will dwell with them;
they will be his peoples, and God himself will be with them; he will wipe every tear from their eyes. Death will be no more;
mourning and crying and pain will be no more, for the first things have passed away.”

And the one who was seated on the throne said, “See, I am making all things new.” Also he said, “Write this, for these words are trustworthy and true.” Then he said to me, “It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give water as a gift from the spring of the water of life. Those who conquer will inherit these things, and I will be their God and they will be my children.”

The following Psalms are commonly used: 23, 27, 106:1-5, 116.

From the Gospels

John 5:24-27 (He who believes has everlasting life)

Very truly, I tell you, anyone who hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life, and does not come under judgment, but has passed from death to life.

25“Very truly, I tell you, the hour is coming, and is now here, when the dead will hear the voice of the Son of God, and those who hear will live. 26For just as the Father has life in himself, so he has granted the Son also to have life in himself; 27and he has given him authority to execute judgment, because he is the Son of Man.

John 6:37-40 (All that the Father gives me will come to me)

Jesus said: “Everything that the Father gives me will come to me, and anyone who comes to me I will never drive away; for I have come down from heaven, not to do my own will, but the will of him who sent me. And this is the will of him who sent me, that I should lose nothing of all that he has given me, but raise it up on the last day. This is indeed the will of my Father, that all who see the Son and believe in him may have eternal life; and I will raise them up on the last day.”

John 10:11-16 (I am the good shepherd)

Jesus said: “I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. The hired hand, who is not the shepherd and does not own the sheep, sees the wolf coming and leaves the sheep and runs away—and the wolf snatches them and scatters them. The hired hand runs away because a hired hand does not care for the sheep. I am the good shepherd. I know my own and my own know me, just as the Father knows me and I know the Father. And I lay down my life for the sheep. I have other sheep that do not belong to this fold. I must bring them also, and they will listen to my voice. So there will be one flock, one shepherd.”

John 11:21-27 ( I am the resurrection and the life)

Martha said to Jesus, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died. 22But even now I know that God will give you whatever you ask of him.” 23Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.” 24Martha said to him, “I know that he will rise again in the resurrection on the last day.” 25Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Those who believe in me, even though they die, will live, 26and everyone who lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?” 27She said to him, “Yes, Lord, I believe that you are the Messiah, the Son of God, the one coming into the world.”

John 14:1-6 (In my Father’s house are many rooms)

Jesus said: “Do not let your hearts be troubled. Believe in God, believe also in me. In my Father’s house there are many dwelling places. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, so that where I am, there you may be also. And you know the way to the place where I am going.” Thomas said to him, “Lord, we do not know where you are going. How can we know the way?” Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life.”